Evanescene
by AngelLija
Summary: Three years ago, Sam McCall vanished without a trace. Now Jason has hired a new Private Investigator to track Sam down. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I looked down into the whole in the ground and saw the pile of bones. "Pull her out."

"Yes, ma'am." The canine search and rescue specialist, Morton Gills, sat his Black Labrador, Succo, and grabbed a large wooden crate. With his gloved hands, he reached into the ground and pulled out the skeleton by the arms. It fell apart on him and the many bones sank back into the ground creating a shattered masterpiece.

"Careful," Detective Morales said as he walked closer to the sight. Once he glanced down at the decaying bones, he said to me, "Do you think there will be enough bone marrow for a DNA test?"

"I'm not sure." I waved by hand in front of my nose in order to shoosh away the mosquito that was circling around trying to land of my skin. I don't get it. I rubbed myself in peppermint in order to keep the starving insects away and they still found a way to be immune to the harsh minty smell. "Just in case it's all decayed, we'll need teeth records and maybe a scull reconstruction."

"A scull reconstruction?" Morales asked. "I don't think we'll need that. There's enough teeth in her mouth for tooth records. Good work, Cirra. How did you solve this case anyways? I've been trying for so many years."

"I'm not a cop so I don't have to fallow police protocol." I wiped my forehead which was spilling sweat like it were water. The hot African sun was burning into me and I wanted to strip naked and jump into cold water. Of course that was impossible, there was no water in this New Mexico desert. And the surroundings and the heat made me think of Africa. Was that how the weather was like there? Did the people die of thirst? I was thirsty as hell.

"Can you elaborate on the police protocol statement?"

I glanced at Morales and a soft, shy smile crept on my face. "I broke into Pete's house and searched around. Then I broke into his safe and found the confession. It wasn't so hard, really."

"I should arrest you."

"You wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't." Detective Morales glanced down and then met eyes with mine. He smiled softly and I knew he was impressed with what I have done. "You helped us catch a killer even if you did commit a crime in the process." He glanced at Morton who packed the last bones into the crate and nailed it shut. "McDuff, my wife wants you over for dinner Friday, would you be able to make it?"

"I don't know. It depends if I find a case I like."

As a private investigator, I was damn good at my job. I was in high demand and even cops and the FBI sought me. Maybe it was because I had great instincts or maybe it was because I didn't follow the book. Or maybe it was because I had determination for the job. Either way, I was great at it. And more importantly, I loved it.

Lately I've become choosy picky at my cases. When I first started out, I used to help rich women find their husbands cheating so they could have better grounds for divorce. Those cases were too easy. All you had to do was place a surveillance camera in the man's office and car and then you get all the evidence you need. Most men, cheated at work. They'd have sex with their mistresses on their desk. Other men would call their mistresses while in their car. The camera's would record the conversation and the case would be over. Boring, right?

Well now a days I do harder cases. Usually, I help parents find their kidnaped children. Sometimes I helped the cops with murder investigations. And sometimes I tried to find missing people. Or one specific missing person in particular, myself.

You see, two and a half years ago, I was born. No, I'm not two and a half years old, I'm approximately thirty. Two and a half years ago, I woke up in a hospital room with no recollection of who I was. My bones were broken. My skin was scratched up. And I was near death. The doctor's didn't think I was going to survive, but I did. After my bones healed and I learned how to walk, talk, eat, and everything else again, I had my face altered. The damage was severe. Though my bones healed and so did the scratches on my body, my face remained the same. Its was a mess. My skin was chopped out and fresh muscle was visible. It was worse then any horror movie magic. So, I found a great plastic surgeon and got a change. I look beautiful now, the only problem is, I don't know if that's the real me or the fake me. My hair is artifitually red, my eyes dark brown, my lips red.

The doctors told me my amnesia was temporary. But if I didn't remember soon, It might lead to permanent. I hoped I would remember. I wanted to know who I was and what my real name was.

They call me Cirra McDuff. The name is fake, but I like it. I used to be known as Jane Doe, but then I got too tired of explaining to everyone the meaning behind my name, that it was something the cops called an identity less person. When I was working at a public library, I got my hands on a book by Iris Johansen, it was called "Blind Alley". The book had a character in it named Cirra. Of course, Cirra didn't have a last name. But in the sequel to the book "Countdown" some of Cirra's relatives surfaced and their last name was McDuff. So that was how I came up with the name. Cute, right? Finally, people don't ask me about the name, it's not as infamous as Jane Doe.

I was going to my car which was parked on the side of the almost empty road when my cell phone rang. I pulled it out and flipped it open. Technically, I shouldn't have a cell phone or a profession since I didn't have a social security number. No memoryless missing person has a social security number, they don't even have names. But since I'm not one to go by the book, I committed another crime. Morales knew about it, he just looked the other way and pretended not to know. I had a fake number. I read the number on my called id and didn't recognize it. "Hello, Cirra McDuff speaking," I said in a soft voice. I didn't know if my voice was any similar to my old one, probably not. When I woke up in the hospital, my vocal strings were damaged and surgery was needed to be done on it. So, that might have altered my voice some.

"Hello, I'm calling about a recommendation I got from a friend. He says you're very good at finding information. It's about my fiancé."

"I'm sorry, Mr.--"

"Jason Morgan," the man on the other end said.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Morgan, but unfortunately I don't track down cheating lovers."

"Oh, she's not cheating, she's missing."

My heart started jumping wildly inside my chest to the point I thought it was going to explode. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I was hopeful. I loved searching for missing people, especially missing adult women because I had the hope that maybe the woman I'm searching for was me. But I was always wrong, the woman were never me. And they were rarely ever alive.

"You see, Ms. McDuff, my fiancé has died almost three years ago, but her body was never found. I need someone to find her body so I could give her a proper biaural."

My heart officially broke. Yet another hope shattered. It was just a pile of bones that I was searching for. "Why did you wait three years to start searching for her?"

"I didn't. I had two private investigators searching for her to date, but they both came up short. One of them was very good with information, but he didn't find anything. The other one was good at finding things, but he found nothing. Then a friend told me about you."

The answer was good enough. And the job did sound intriguing. Yes, it was a disappointment. I don't enjoy finding dead people, but helping this Mr. Morgan grieve for the lost love might give me something with a purpose to do. "Okey, Mr. Morgan, I would need to find out more about this job. I would prefer we make an appointment to see each other."

"Do you have an office?"

"No, I travel too much to have one."

"Okey then. I live in Port Charles, New York. Can you possible arrive there? There's a diner called Kelly's and it's located across the street from Port Charles General Hospital."

"I could be in New York by Friday. I have to finish up a case here in New Mexico first. Is that okey with you?"

"Yes. Then Friday, can you meet me at the diner at seven pm. I'll be the one with the grey t-shirt, blue jeans, and a black leather jacket. If you don't see me, ask anyone for Jason Morgan. Everyone in town knows me."

---

Jason Morgan put down the phone and glanced out the penthouse window. His breathing came hard and long. He tried to calm himself, to argue with himself, but nothing worked. He knew that Sam can't possibly be alive, but that was how he felt. He had asked the Cirra woman to find her body, but he sure as hell was hoping it wouldn't be a dead one.

He remembered the day everyone said she died. But damn it, her body was never found. She could be alive. But then again, if she were alive, then she'd come back to him.

Perfect. Jason managed to confuse and annoy himself. Normally, he was a logical and cold blooded man, but when it came to Sam he turned into an irrational puddle of warmth.

Soon enough he'll know the truth. He had confidence in this woman. He didn't know why, but he felt like she will be able to find Sam. Maybe it was because Cirra was a woman, and women are good at searching. Or maybe it was because she had a good reputation, either way, he had confidence in her.

His friend from out of town had told him about her, he said she was perfect at finding people. Jason hoped she could find Sam. That Sam could be brought home safe and sound, and alive. No matter how unrealistically that sounded.

---

Blind Alley, Countdown, Cirra, and McDuff all belong to Iris Johansen (a novelist). I take no credit for them, I'm simply mentioning them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I walked into the small diner and quickly glanced around. There was a gray haired man behind the counter taking orders. He looked at me and a strange grin crept up his face. He was about 55, maybe 60, and he was wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans. I walked over to the counter. "A large coffee please, black."

"Sure thing," the man said as he pulled out a paper cup and walked over to the coffee machine. Once the cup was full he turned around and handed it to me.

"Thank you." As he placed the cup on the counter, I pulled out my wallet from my purse. "How much?"

"Oh, no, it's on the house," he said and stared at me. He really, really stared. "You're new in town, right? 'Cause I haven't seen you around before."

"Yeah, I'm new hear." I took a small sip of my hot coffee. The coffee addict that I am, the sip woke me up and made me feel happy. "Actually, I'm not living here. I live all over the place. I got here today to check out a new job assignment."

"And what is it that you do?"

"I'm a private investigator, Cirra McDuff." I reached out a hand.

"Mike Corban." He took my hand and squeezed it firmly.

"Well, nice to meet you, Mike." I smiled then something hit my mind. I brought my tone to a serious note and started speaking, "I don't know how long I'll be in town, would you happen to know of a cheap place where I could stay?"

"Well, actually, yes I do. We rent rooms right above this diner. And there is one room still left available. Would you like to check it out?"

I looked at the clock that hung on the wall behind Mike. I was supposed to meet Mr. Morgan at seven, and it was six forty-five. I figured I have fifteen minutes to kill. "Sure."

Mike glanced past my shoulder at a group of teens who were sitting and chatting by a table. There were many of them. There was a Hispanic guy of about 18 who had his hair slicked back and gelled slightly. His eyes were focused on a round faced blond who kept her attention on a brown curly haired guy. Then there was a girl who had long brown hair and her eyes traveled from the Hispanic guy to the blond girl. Envy dwelled in her eyes every time she glanced at the blond. Then there was a guy with funny hair and on his lap sat a girl with short blond hair.

"Would any of you like to do me a favor?" Mike asked the teens.

They all looked at him and the envious girl with the long brown hair asked, "What is it, Mike?"

"I need somebody to take over the place for a couple of minutes while I go show this lady to an available room we have."

"Sure think, Mike." The girl smiled and stood up. She was wearing oversized ripped jeans and a really strange top that looked like it was a combination of a ripped black t-shirt that in neon pink colors it said "Kiss" on the front and "My Ass" on the back. But for the sleeves, it looked like colorful striped socks or something. Actually, the girl's fashion sense was similar to the singer's, Avril Lavine. Both of them lacked at it.

"Thanks, Brook." Mike smiled at the girl and came around the counted. When he got to the stairs, he glanced at me to make sure I was following him. When I got to the stairs he let me up first and followed behind me.

"Nice place," I said as I looked inside the room he showed me. It was small, but comfortable looking. A full sized bad stood in the middle of the room. There was a window on an adjacent wall that was facing the hospital. Then there was a bathroom door on the far end of the room. Obviously, no kitchen or livingroom, but since I can't cook for shit I didn't assume I'll need a kitchen.

---

Jason was early, but he sat down and glanced around to see if maybe she was early too, it didn't look like it. He noted that Brook Lynn was working the counter. Wondering where Mike had gone, Jason glanced down at his watch slowly growing impatient. He shouldn't be impatient, he was early. But still, he couldn't wait to tell this woman all about Sam and wait for Sam to be found.

Jason's eyes wondered to the stairs where he saw Mike and an unfamiliar woman going downstairs. He saw the woman smile at Mike and thank him graciously until she glanced at him and seemed to think for a moment. Then she walked over to him. "Excuse me, are you Mr. Morgan?"

"Yeah." Jason stood up and took her hand. "But just call me Jason."

"Jason... I'm Cirra McDuff."

"I know, please, sit."

She sat down and so did he. He ran his eyes through the woman and paid careful attention to the details. She had fire-red hair and deep brown eyes. Those eyes, they reminded him of Sam and just the thought made his heart beat faster. At that moment, he felt like Sam was still alive. He was almost sure of it. Crazy, he told himself, she couldn't possible have survived. But never the less, he felt his heart beat for the woman he lost. And strangely, he could have sworn he felt her heart beat as well. Somewhere in this word Sam was still alive, and he could feel it.

---

I sat down just as Jason has instructed. He watched me up and down quickly and I felt my heart suddenly beating out of control. Surprisingly, his eyes stopped on mine and the way he looked at me, it was like he knew me. A smile crept onto his face and quickly went away. I realized what he was thinking. He was thinking that soon, I'll find his fiancé, and then he remembered that she's more then likely dead.

It felt like if I wasn't going to look away, he'd never tell me anything. He was in a maze. So, I took my eyes of his and the hypnotic spell broke. I opened my purse and pulled out a notebook. I opened the first page and found the doctor's appointment. I had a doctor to see next week here in Port Charles General Hospital. The doctor was a brain specialist who was going to tell me what were my chances of remembering. The last time I've been at the doctor's, they told me my chances were slim. But I still had hope. Then I turned to the second page which just so happened to be blank. I pulled out a black pen from the spiral and uncapped it. "Okey, we may begin. Can you tell me basic information about this fiancé of yours? Like name, hair, eyes, that type of stuff."

Jason opened his leather jacket and from an inner pocket he pulled out a photo. I caught a glimpse of a gun in there but payed no attention. I knew how to use guns, actually, that was one of the things I knew about the old me. I never took any training at shooting, yet, I never missed a target. All my doctor's told me that I probably knew how to shoot before the memory loss.

"Name, Samantha McCall. Age, twenty nine. Hair, black. Eyes, dark brown." He handed me the photo while I was writing the information down in my notebook. "Here's a photo of her."

I took the photo and studied it. The woman was beautiful, beyond beautiful actually. I looked at her eyes and couldn't help but wonder. Thought the shape was slightly different, the color was the same as mine. I wondered if she was someone I might be related to. Our face shape was the same too. But then again, there were many differences like my eyes were slightly a different shape and my lips were wider. I put the photo down and glanced at Jason. "When was she last seen and where?"

"October 9th, three years ago. We were to do on a boating vacation, but work got in the way. I had to take care of a few things so she decided to give the boat a test drive. She had just gotten an old boat. I tried to talk it out of her and wanted her to buy a new one, but she wanted something that she could fix and spend time on. A few hours after sailing, the radar was lost and the boat was never seen again. Neither was she."

"Over the phone, you said you had two private i's, can you tell me what they did and what they discovered?"

"Yeah, the first one is a good friend of mine, Stan. He's better with information then with finding things. He didn't find anything. He read every newspaper in this state and the bordering stares but there was never any article written about finding her, or anyone. The other p.i. didn't have much luck either. He hired a diving expedition and went to the bottom of the waters where the boat dropped from radar. But he didn't find the boat in that location."

I wrote a few things down and glanced up at him. "Which direction was she going in?"

"East."

"Sometimes when a boat drops from radar, it could just be a defective GPS system. Did he check any distance further East."

"Yes, he checked a hundred miles east of the location where the signal was lost. He found a boat, but the body he found belonged to a man."

"Was it possible she would have been having an affair?"

His face turned harsh at that question. "No. Not in a million years. First of all, she was as crazy about me as I am about her. Secondly, she was too respectful of a person to be doing that."

"Okey," I nodded. "Was it possible that someone might have attacked her in the boat?"

"Yes. By profession, I'm not an honorable person, so my enemies might have tried to kidnap her. But according to the autopsy, the man died from drowning."

I wrote that down and continued with the questioning. "Did the PI's diving team check the name of the boat?"

"No, I don't think so."

I now knew what I needed to know and I also knew where to begin my search. I closed the notebook and put the pen in it's spiral. Once I had slipped the notebook into my purse, I looked up at him and found him to be once again staring into my eyes. And speaking of eyes, he had the most beautiful blue eyes. I took a sip of my coffee, which had managed to turn cold, and then I looked at him as a whole. His hair was sexy, his face was seductive, and his eyes mesmerizing. I took another sip of my coffee and put the cup down. "Do you know where I could rent a diving boat and where I could buy some diving equipment?"

He smiled at me slightly. "I have a boat and equipment. It's on pier 52, dock C."

I stood up to leave. "Okey then. Dress comfortably for tomorrow because the both of us will be going diving at seven in the morning."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The fall sun was shining in the clear sky and I walked to the boat and stared at the large magnificent machinery in wonder. It looked as big as the Titanic. Well, actually, no, but it was big none the less.

"Hey, you're late," Jason came on the dock and smiled at me. "It's a beautiful day to go diving isn't it?"

I didn't answer. I just smiled and nodded. There was something I liked about this man. There was something about him. At the risk of making the same kind of brainwashing eye contact like we did last night, I refused to look into his eyes all together. I climbed onto the boat and landed on the beautiful deck.

"I bet the water is freezing," Jason said when the early fall breeze flew by.

Mornings this time of year were okey. Days were semi warm, and nights were cold. Just the way I liked the weather. It was mid September, and I was approaching my third year of not knowing myself. But every now and then I felt like I learned some stuff about my past. Like when I first took a gun into my hands, I knew how to use it. I assume I used to use guns before the memory loss. And now, I have never before been on a boat, but getting on it was like nature to me. Strange. I walked around a little to see if anything will jump out at me.

"Have you ever gone diving before?" Jason asked.

"I don't know." I looked at the captain pit and recognized everything. I could tell how to set the autopilot. I knew how to check out the GPS system. I even knew how to coordinate the dive charts. Actually, I walked over to the operative systems and set the autopilot to two hundred fifty mile east from the docks.

"You're been on boat's before, right? You're very good at this stuff, I can tell."

I turned to face him and his blue eyes were attracting me like magnets. Crazy how they had so much power over me. At the moment, I wondered if that was how Sam felt when looking into his eyes. "I don't know. This is the first time I'm on a boat but it seems like I've been on them before."

He gave me a confused grin and crossed his strong arms across his tight chest. "How would you know how to work a boat when you've never been on one?"

I knew I wouldn't get away with lying the way I usually did. For some reason, I couldn't lie to him. The words wouldn't come. So, it was time for the truth. "A couple of years ago I had an accident of some sort and I lost my memory. So, in those couple of years I haven't been on any boats, but prior to that I don't know. Strangely, I feel like I used to live on boats or something. I don't know why but if you were to ask me anything about boat engines or stuff, I'd probably know all there is to about them."

He smiled at me teasingly. "Okey, enough talk about boats, do you know how to dive?"

"I'm not sure, but instinct tells my I can dive like a real fish. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

He opened a closet and pulled out diving equipment. Once he gave me my diving suit and told me where I could change. I hurried off so I would have more time to dive and check out the locations.

Working this Sam McCall case was more exiting then I'd expected. It was only my first day on the job and I had already realized something about myself. I knew boats. I made a mental note to check for missing fisher women and possibly boat factory employees. Maybe then I would find myself.

When I had learned that I knew guns, I checked out for missing cops, but there were way too many. And missing criminals, the number was even larger. And then add missing law enforcement to the mix, and you've got a real PI's nightmare. But, I checked all of the results I got, and still didn't find myself. I remembered I was down when that happened, but now I realized a new hope. Water and boats.

I came out of the private changing room and saw that Jason has already set up the equipment.

"You're ready to go down?" he asked me while I fastened the ropes around me. The boat was already at the two hundred fifty mile mark, and it had stopped on the water waiting for me to do my job.

"I don't know. I'm not really a fearful person so I guess I've been born ready."

"That's good," he said while he gave me a wrist flashlight and a oxygen tank. When those were fastened I climbed over the rear of the boat. "Okey, when you're ready to be pulled up, just stick your head out."

I nodded. "What was Sam's boat's name?"

"JaSam."

"That's a cute name. Does it have a meaning?"

Jason smiled sadly as if remembering a pleasant memory which now had turned sad. "The Ja stands for Jason and the Sam stands for Sam. It's a combination of our names."

That was sad. I could tell that he loved her, and he'd never stop loving her. Just for his sake I hoped that she was alive. Then I plunged into the water.

The water was cold, freezing actually. I'd assume it was about fifty degrees. And despite the fridgitness, it felt great. I loved being inside the water. I dived down into the depths and about fifteen minutes later I was on the sandy, rocky ground watching around the surroundings. The flashlight I had was great. You shine it around and it shows you in a fifty mile distance. I flashed it to the east but the lighted areas didn't reveal mush except strangely interesting fish and exotic water plants. I flashed the light to the north and just like the east, it didn't show much. Then I moved it to the west and it fell upon my eyes.

It wasn't too close, but not too far either. I assume it was about forty miles away. I could see an old ship wreck and in a way I felt exited. It was possibly the ship we were looking for. But then again, that would mean that Samantha McCall drowned and I didn't want Mr. Morgan to loose hope.

True. When he talked to me he clearly indicated that she was dead, and that he wanted to give her a proper biaural rather then hold onto a hope that shouldn't be. But his body language didn't speak the same words as him mouth. I could tell the hope in his eyes. When he was telling me about a man being dead in the boat, he was actually happy. I guess that to him it meant that maybe Sam was alive.

Enough thinking, I told myself and I pushed myself up and swam to the surface. About fifteen minutes later, I was on the surface and Jason was pulling me up. Once I crossed my legs over the rim and stepped onto the deck, I took of my mask and took a breath of fresh air. Man, it felt good. I was definitely a water person and water was definitely in my past and possibly part of my identity.

"Find anything?"

I took another breath before I spoke, "There's a boat about forty miles west of here. We need to turn the boat around."

Jason didn't say anything, he just walked into the captain pit and I felt the motor working hard and the boat slowly turning. I looked up at the sky when a few seagulls flew by. God, I loved nature. It was so beautiful and fresh and secretive. It seemed like behind every corner there was something new.

Jason came out onto the deck when the boat was going straight. "Do you think it was Sam's boat you saw?"

"I don't really know. I'm looking for the boat that your old PI found. I figure I'm going to check if it belonged to Sam or to anyone else."

We didn't speak after that. He stood in silence watching the white puffy clouds sifting above his head. And I watched his body tense with every mile the boat went. I realized that he was scared shitless. He was afraid that if it were Sam's boat, that maybe she didn't survive. That maybe she really was dead. "It'll be okey." I put my hand on his arm and he glanced right into my eyes. At the contact of our skin, I felt electric heat shift into my body like an exotic wave of fluttering attraction. Damn, those magnetic eyes of his. "We'll find her. And who knows, maybe she isn't really dead." I broke the eye contact and took my hand away from his arm. I was afraid, and I never felt fear. Not after waking up and realizing I'm a nameless existence. But now I was scared. I was scared I was magnetically falling for a man who was in love with a ghost of yesterday. And I sure hoped that the ghost would develop into a vision of tomorrow, giving him a reason to live.

When the boat stopped, I climbed over the railing again and dived down. It took me about fifteen minutes to find myself at the bottom of the water and on the edge of a destroyed boat.

I noticed impossibilities immediately. First of all, the boat I landed on was weak and braking, and from the look of it, it looked like it's been at the bottom of the water for more then fifty years, maybe a hundred years. And the second impossibility was the name of the boat. I could clearly see it written on the boarding area on the dock, and the name was "Treasure Lure".

I should have gone up, it would have made perfect sense to go up and search in a different direction. But instead, I walked around the deck as if looking for sunken treasure. I walked inside the boarding area and looked inside of what seemed like a bedroom. I looked around and found nothing except for a soiled rock. Instinct told me to take it, and I relied on my instincts. So I took it. Come to think about it, the rock looked like it was composed of hardened soil, which meant that inside it might be a nice glittering center. Or so I thought at that moment. I knew I had to go up and examine it a little closer.

I got out of that area and stood on the deck of the boat. So if this wasn't Sam's, then were was hers? There was no point of pointing east, so I shone my flashlight to the west. Nothing. North. Nothing. South. Nothing. We were at a dead end, and I felt disappointed. But there was always logical thinking that would point to the right direction.

I pushed myself up and swam to the surface. Once Jason pulled me up, I stepped over the railing and pulled off my mask again. "Look what I found," I said excitedly while I showed him the rock.

"It looks like a rock," he said and shrugged and looked at me like I were crazy. Or maybe I was.

I smashed the rock onto the ground and it fell into many pieces. A sparkling middle shone brilliantly in the sun. I bend down to pick up the gold ring with the large yellow stone. I couldn't really tell if it were a dirty white diamond, or a rare yellow diamond. The stone needed washing. "It's a ring," I said to him and flashed the shiny thing in his face.

He took it from my hand and examined it. I could tell the wheels of his brain turning, but I couldn't read his mind. I knew he didn't want me to read his mind.

"You salvaged it," he said as he put the ring back in my hands.

Salvage. I made a mental note to look into missing salvagers. Maybe I would be one of them.

"Okey, so what exactly did you find down there, besides the ring?" He crossed his arms across his chest and stood firmly.

I looked up at him and smiled excitedly. I could see that even though his face was unreadable, deep inside he was exited. But strange problem, how did I know the inner workings of his thoughts? It's like I knew him, but how? "It was a different boat and it sunk a long time ago, at least fifty years. But do to the amount of soil on that ring it might have sunk more then a hundred years ago."

Jason smiled at me. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know, it's up to you. I'm guessing that when the GPS system failed, Sam didn't continue further east, but she didn't turn around and go west either. That leaves north and south. You choose?"

Without thinking, Jason said, "South."

"Okey then, I'll go turn the boat south and we'll go about a hundred miles and then I'll dive again," I said, "Oh, and here, take the ring so I don't loose it. It might be worth something."

---

Jason couldn't help but smile, and deep inside he was laughing. He looked at the ring he was holding and then glanced down at the ropes that were down inside the water. All morning long, he felt like Sam was alive, and close by, extremely close by.

Was it just a coincidence that Cirra and Sam had similar eyes? Was it a coincidence that Jason felt Sam's heart beating every time Cirra was close by? Was it a coincidence Cirra salvaged a soiled rock, just like Sam used to? Was it just a coincidence that when she touched his arm it felt Sam's touch?

Jason didn't know the answers to those questions, but he was going to find out. Before he could accuse himself of jumping the boat, he made a mental note that they still need to search for Sam. Just because Cirra had many of her similarities, didn't mean she was Sam. Though the fact that Cirra had no memory of who she really was did intrigue him.

When he heard water splashing, he looked down over the railing and saw Sam... No. Not Sam. Cirra splashing and trying to get up. He pulled on the ropes.

When she climbed over the railing and took of her mask, Jason noted the similarity of her face. Everything was basically the same except the shape of the eyes and lips. "Find anything?"

"No, but I'm starving. You think we could post pone another dive until I get some food in my system?"

Jason looked up at the sky and realized the day flew by at the speed of light. "It's going to get dark soon. This boat has two bedrooms, we could sleep in the boat and start fresh tomorrow."

"Yeah, that would be great. But I'm still hungry. And when I'm hungry I become groggy and annoying and then I get slightly pissed off, and when I get pissed off I tend to ramble like I'm doing now and... Why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong?"

God, she even talked like Sam, Jason noted. He watched amusingly as she stared at him questioningly. He thought maybe he should tell her about his suspicions, that maybe she was Sam, but he didn't want to scare her off or make her feel like he was making a move on her, which he wasn't. He decided to go to the topic of food and when the dinner was ready, he'd get her to open up about the past three years of her life.

He pointed to a door of one of the two bedrooms. "You could go there and change. I'll get something whipped up in the kitchen. Is there anything particular that you like?"

She rubbed her tummy and smiled. "Chinese, but I think that is out of the question."

"It is. I'll see what I could do," he said and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I walked into the dining area of the boat and was greeted by the warm smell of garlic bread, great Italian alfredo, and roasted chicken. The smell was so alluring, I felt like I will pass out and go straight to heaven. I got to the table and sat down.

Jason came towards me and put a nice piece of chicken in my plate, complemented it with the Italian alfredo and the still lukewarm garlic bread. He filled my glass with red wine and I brought the glass to my lips. Normally, I would drink some hard whiskey or something of that sort, but I'll drink the wine simple for his efforts.

He put food into his own plate, which was stationed at the opposite end of the table, and sat down.

I put my fork in my food and glanced up at him. "So, when I asked you which direction to search in, you said south. Why was that?"

"I don't know, the logical direction would be east actually, but that has been searched by the last PI, and so was the west. I guess I just chose south for no apparent reason."

"Instincts. I get it. Some say instincts are always right."

"They are. Sam has– had great instincts."

"Has. Present tense. You still think she's alive?"

Jason looked at me questioningly but didn't answer for a few seconds. Then he looked down at his food and spoke, "It was just a mixup. I meant to say one thing but said something else, that's all."

Now it was my turn to look at him questioningly. I saw his facial expression harden into an unreadable grin. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, but I could still manage to read it. "You still think she's alive. You don't want to think that. You don't want the false hope. But you're thinking it anyways."

"It's logical to assume that she's gone," he said as he took a large drink of red wine. I could tell that he wanted to drop the subject, it was hurting him. But I wanted to pressure him more. When he saw that I wasn't going to give up on that conversation, he stared into my eyes and spoke, "Fine, I believe Sam's alive. But that's only an instinct thing. And I think she's close by, that's also an instinct thing."

"I was never one to argue with instincts." I took a small sip of the wine, I would have preferred whisky. "There's something you're not telling me, what is it?"

Jason released a sigh. "There was a storm that night, I don't remember which direction it was coming from, but there was a storm. It could have killed her. But like I said, instinct tells me other wise, though logic would say we need to continue to search the waters."

"Why did you choose to search south?"

"Most storms in October happen to be coming from the north, in order to escape she would have had to go south."

I looked down at my empty plate. The food had been great and I was as full as a stuffed animal. Then I looked up at Jason and read his expression. "There's something else you're hiding. What is it?"

He reached across the table and put his hand on mine. Though his touch was light, I could feel his muscles tighten and if I were to try to pull away, his grip would tighten and prevent me from moving. I felt a shocking ripple going from my hand to my arm and somehow ending up going down my back. I knew that whatever he was about to tell would be a shocker.

"Cirra, I have a feeling that Sam's still alive. And I think I know who and where she is." His grip tightened on my hand. "I think you might be Sam."

I stood up so fast my head started spinning. I tried to pull my hand away but his grip squeezed it hard and he stood up too. I glanced up at him. "It's impossible, you've lost your mind."

"Why is it so impossible? You have her eyes. Sam's the only person who can read me, and you can read me too."

"Jason, that is the most irrational thing I have ever heard. And you are a logical person."

He let go of my hand and I let out a breath. I didn't even know I was holding it in. After he crossed his arms across his chest, he said, "How did you know I was a logical person? Ever since you met me I was acting irrational."

I felt like a brick has dropped on my head. How did I know he was logical? I probably would believe him about me being Sam, but there was one problem. "The time doesn't match up," I said calmly. "Sam disappeared in October three years ago. I woke up in the hospital in March two and a half years ago. I can't be Sam."

Jason seemed to think for a moment and a disappointed expression covered his face like a theater mask. "You're right. I must have over reacted. Sometimes, instincts could be wrong. Sorry."

"No problem." I headed for the door. "Lets just forget about this conversation and lets just continue the search tomorrow morning." I walked out of the room and headed to the bedroom he had arranged for me. I locked the door behind myself once I go inside, I didn't want him, or anyone, to disturb me.

---

Sweat.

Confusion.

Fear.

Hope.

After tossing and turning in bed like a twisting cat, I sat up in the bed and reached for my cell phone. I knew I wouldn't be able to get any sleep until I made the call and got the information I needed. I dialed the number.

After the fourth ring, Morales picked up. "Hello?" he asked in a sleepy voice and fallowed it with a yawn.

"It's Cirra, I need help."

Silence. When he spoke, his voice was more alert, "What is it?"

"You're a detective. Detectives get more information then private investigators, I need info."

"What kind of info?"

"I need for you to search for something. I need to find out if any fisher women, boat factory employees, or salvage agents have disappeared between two and a half and three years ago."

"Why?"

"That might be part of my identity. I found out I'm into boats and I'm good at maintaining them. And I salvaged a diamond ring."

"Okey. Is that all?" There was another yawn coming from Morales and then I heard his wife mumble something. I felt sorry for waking them both up, I really did, but I had an urgent need for information. And damn it, I couldn't sleep until I was sure that I wasn't Sam McCall.

"No, there's also something else." I heard him mutter a curse word under his breath. "I need you to contact the hospital where I woke up and ask for how was I found, where, and when? I realized that when I woke up, I was too shocked with the memory loss to find out the information. And if anyone did tell me, I was too out of it to remember."

"When do you want this?"

"As soon as possible. Call me when you get it." I hung up. Now, if only I could fall asleep.

---

The seagulls flew around the boat and the room where I was sleeping was filled with sounds. Buzzing, ringing. What the hell was it? I opened my sleepy, blurry eyes and let them adjust to the light before reaching for my cell phone to see the clock on the phone screen. I looked at the screen. "Morales Cell". So that was what the buzzing ringing was. It was a call.

"Hello?" I asked answering the phone.

"Now you know what it feels like to wake up extremely early."

"Stop bull shitting, what time is it?" I rubbed my head.

"It's five thirty in the morning. I got the information you requested."

Now I was suddenly fully awake. I sat up in bed and tightened my grip on the phone. "What did you find out?"

"First things first, the missing water people. None were missing boat factory employees. I didn't find any fisher women also, they were all men. There was one missing fisher woman, but she disappeared after you woke up. Now for the salvage thing. Three women went missing in California, five in Florida, one in New York, and one in Maine."

I woke up in Maine. That was a possibility. "Who was the Maine one?"

"She's a thirty three year old Montana native who lived in Maine for the past seven years. Five feet, three inches. Brown eyes, black hair. Could be you, I couldn't find a large picture. But the hair and eye color matches."

"That's great, what's her name?"

"Susanna Monroe," Morales said. "She was last seen on her boat on October 10th, three years ago."

"That's great. Good work, Morales." Though the date was inconvenient. I woke up in March, she had disappeared in October.

"There's something else." He sounded serious when he said it, "I checked out the background of the New York woman, she also could be you."

"I'm listening."

"The woman would be twenty nine right now. She's a North Carolina native, lived in NY for three years in Port Charles. She's five feet three inches, brown eyes, black hair. Last seen on her boat October 9th three years ago. Name's Samantha McCall."

Shit. I was speechless. I couldn't even mutter a word. My jaw dropped open. Jason's suspicions were confirmed by Morales. But then again, there was that damn time difference.

"Hello? Cirra? Are you still there?"

"Umm." I cleared my throat and concentrated. "Yeah. Thanks. Anything else?"

"Yeah, I checked with the hospital. Though you woke up March 23rd, you were brought in October 11th. You were found laying on the sands of a beach. There was a large amount of water in your lungs. You have been in the water, Cirra, same as those two women. You could be any one of them." He paused for a second. "Oh, and there's something else. I checked the weather records. Apparently, the night of Samantha McCall's disappearance, there was a really large storm. Now normally, during that season the winds are from the north, but that day they blew from the south. They were caused by a tornado that was in another state further south, and it was moving north. The tornado weakened into a large storm. So that would make it possible for Ms. McCall to end up in Maine. But also, Mr. Monroe was salvaging a boat in the same waters on the same beach where you were found."

"Um." I was still shocked. "Thanks, Morales. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. I'll try to find more info." He hung up.

I hung up the cell phone and threw it on the bed, my arm dropped to my side and I stared at a blank wall as if seeing something particular.

Susanna Monroe.

Samantha McCall.

Cirra McDuff.

I wasn't sure which one I was or which one I wanted to be. Still shocked. What should I tell Jason? Should I tell him that he might be right?

No. I wouldn't want him to get his hopes up and then find out that I might be Susanna. But what if I were Sam? I must admit that something about Jason has struck me as familiar. But now the shock has gave me hope and confusion.

Was I Jason's long lost love?

Maybe.

But if I was, why didn't seeing him trigger my memory to come back?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jason woke up at around seven and the boat was already in full swing. After I had gotten the call from Morales, I haven't gone back to sleep. The news and excitement was too shocking for sleep to consume me.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"More then an hour. I tried to set the coffee maker, but I could never figure out those things." I walked over to the storage area with all the diving equipment.

"I'll set the coffee," he said absently. "How come the boat is going in a northern direction?"

"Instinct," I said and turned away to indicate that the subject was dropped at the floor and was not intendant to pick back up. Honestly, I didn't want him to know that maybe there was a chance that I was Sam McCall. I didn't want to rise his hopes. What if I were wrong? What if I was that Susanna Monroe person? "I'm getting ready to dive, so go make that coffee. I can't imagine diving on a caffeine lack. I could fall asleep and die and then you will have to dive in to find me and there will be a whole lot of unnecessary work." I glanced up and him and he was walking away, with a wide smile on his face.

It went calmly and quietly while we drank the coffee. And once I was done and ready to go, I found myself once again over the railing and jumping into the cold waters.

The water felt colder then the previous day, maybe that was because we were further north. Whatever the case, I got an exhilarating rush when I dived in and felt the cold wetness surround me. I felt free. I felt like nothing can hold me down. Technically, the only time a person can fly is when they are in the water. They can float above water like a bird can float above a cloud. Laws of gravity don't seem to pull one down when they are in water. And so, I felt like a fish when I was in the wildness of the sea.

I plunged down through the layers of cool until I hit the frozen point. The bottom. On the bottom, I could see boats in two vary opposite directions. So there was no point in staying around, I decided to go up. And, kicking myself off the muddy ground, I maneuvered through the harsh waves and came out on top.

"Hey," I yelled when I didn't see Jason waiting for me. While doing some kicking of my legs and swinging of my arms to keep me afloat and somewhat slightly warmer, I screamed, "Get the hell over here and pull me up."

Jason appeared at the railing with a mug to his lips. He disappeared and reappeared only a second later, this time without the mug. "Back so soon?" he asked when he started rolling up the ropes.

I was being lifted, at the blow of the wind hit against me chilling me to the bone. "There wasn't much to see, except for two boats." I stopped talking when a sudden gush of wind entered my mouth chocking me like water in the lungs.

Once he had lifted me over the railing and I was standing securely on the dock, I grabbed a mug of coffee and took a hot and healthy sip. "There were two boats down there. One was about 40 miles north west and the other was about 45 miles north east."

"We'll go to the northwest one first, if you're up to it. You might want to relax though, it's getting colder. I think a storm might be coming."

"I can't wait to get back into the water."

"Isn't it cold?"

I took a final sip of my coffee and stared down at the empty mug, I wanted more. It felt good to have a warm drink go down my throat. "It's cold, but the coffee made me warm. So now I'm ready for cold again."

---

Once again, I was in the frozen waters and damn, they felt good. I walked around the remains of the destroyed sunken boat that was on the northwestern side. I couldn't see the name of the boat so that meant I had to look around.

I walked around, in and out of everything in sight. And then I came up on her. A dead woman was laying in the middle of a floor that looked like it belonged to an on board bedroom. I felt a cold chill go down my back when a thought struck me. What if that was Sam McCall?

I had to find reliable information. The woman's face was too swollen for her identity to be revealed, so I had to find the name of the boat.

Up.

Down.

High.

Low.

I searched everywhere. Every direction I could try. The front. The sides. The back. Still no name.

Maybe it was written in paint and it washed off?

Maybe it was written on a wooden attachment and it fell off?

I liked the second option better, so I decided to search for any wood pieces around the boat. I swam around some, and it tired the hell out of me. But I found it. I found a wooden name plate that read "The Unsinkable Monroe". Talk about irony. The Unsinkable Monroe had sunk like an old axe.

---

"Are you okey? You don't look so good." Jason looked at me when I took off my mask and dropped it onto the deck floor.

"I'm fine. I just saw a dead body that looked like it's been in the water for a long time, but I'm fine."

"A dead body?" His expression turned serious and unreadable. I suspected the wheels in his head had been turning and that he was all of the sudden fearful.

"Don't worry, It's not Sam. The boat was named 'The Sunken Monroe'."

It looked like he was about to say something, but he suddenly rethought it and said something else. "You might want some whisky. Alcohol helps kill bacteria which could cause a cold."

"I'll drink to that. But I still want to check out the other boat I saw?"

"No way in hell," Jason said when he walked to the kitchen area. "It's getting cold, and I don't want to getting sick."

"I won't get sick. Besides, I need to check that boat out and get it over with. It's the fall, the days will only get colder."

"You got a paint, but I'm going down there with you." He poured me a shot glass and handed it to me.

I took it and swayed the drink around before shooting it down my throat. It burned and warmed me and boy it felt good. "You can't go down with me. Who will pull me up then?"

"I'll pull myself up, and then I'll pull you up." He poured a drink for himself as well. "You're not going down there alone. You look tired."

"It's just side effects from seeing that dead body. She was so swollen and bloated and blown up that it looked like she might just pop and explode like a bomb."

He looked at me strangely, as if trying to read beyond that or to just settle for it. When I saw him drink his drink, I knew he dropped the subject.

Truth was, while the seeing a distorted body like that had shaken me, and I won't deny it, I was also tried from the realization that I might be McCall. I was stuck in a word where I didn't know who I was, and now there was a chance that I might be someone who was loved, and I was eager to find out if it were true or just an illusion. I couldn't wait to find out if that was Sam's boat that I had seen, or if it was someone else's.

The vision of the dead body still lingered in my head, so I walked to my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone. After I dialed Morales and he picked up, I started talking, " I think I found Susanna Monroe but there needs to be a DNA and autopsy done." I gave him the exact location of where the boat was found.

"Be careful, Cirra, there's a storm coming tonight in the area where you're at, and from the forecast it looks big."

"Yeah, I can sense it. There's another boat there so I'm gonna go diving and see what I could find out from it."

"I wish you wouldn't go diving, it's too dangerous."

"Don't worry about me, I'm a survivor," I said while glanced out a small round window at the graying sky. "You don't just wake up without a memory and turn into a weakling. I all people who survive death tend to be fearless, that's me. I'm strong and fearless."

I could feel Morales smile on the other end. "That's what I like about you, Cirra, you're always fearlessly strong. I did some research on the two women. Apparently, Samantha McCall was connected to the mob. She knew guns and knew how to fight, just like you, Cirra." Morales hung up and the last statement he made was making my brain jump.

I dropped my phone onto my bed and walked out onto the dock. So yeah, it was cold and it was getting ready to rain. That didn't scary me off any. Sure, I was supposed to be scared that the boat would sink and Jason will never find Sam and I will never find myself, but I just didn't fear.

"The boat's ready," Jason said and in took a deep breath. "It should land up directly over the sunk boat. But if you don't want to go we don't have to. I think a storm is coming."

"It is, but even if we decided to go to shore we wouldn't make it in time, so why not go down and check out the sight?"

"You're sure?"

"Yes." Before he could cause my any disturbances, I tied the ropes around myself and plunged into the water, I heard him plunge next to me.

Now I wondered what awaited us.

---

I will change the rating of this story the next time I update to 'M' do to a small scene. Sorry for the inconvenience.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I ripped off the wet mask off my face and smiled instantly. The cold wind blew at me, chilling my face to the bone and making me wince.

"You okey?" Jason asked when he took off his mask and put up with the same harsh treatment of the wind. "Damn, it's cold."

"Yeah it is." I glanced up at the dark grey sky and the rain clouds that threatened. "Let's go inside."

I figured that we could survive this if we let the boat wait out the storm rather then try to maneuver it in a bad direction. Once we were inside, we were greeted by bright lights of the yellow lamps and the warmth of the inside. Of course, it wasn't nearly as warm as I had wanted it to be.

"So what did you see down there," I asked him as I watched him set the coffee.

"The boat is definitely Sam's, I saw the name." We had arranged it that I took the back of the boat while he took the front. "And I didn't see any dead bodies laying around. How about you?"

"No dead bodies and a missing lifeboat."

He raised an eye brow asking me a silent question. I knew what he was thinking. I could tell.

"Yeah, it looks like the boat started sinking and so she got the lifeboat and started fighting to survive."

He gave me a knowing look. The same type of look he had on his face when I had salvaged the soiled ring or when he told me that I might be Sam. "How did you know I was thinking about that?"

"I guess I could read your mind."

"No one can read my mind, except for Sam."

Okey, so the possibility was large and the name did have a nice ring to it. And I did enjoy spending time with Jason Morgan. But I still needed to be sure. I still needed to remember. "Suppose you're right, and that I am Sam. What then? How come I couldn't remember? Obviously, if our love was so grand I'd be able to remember everything after seeing you."

"Maybe it doesn't work that way." He came towards me and grabbed my arm softly. Electric heat shifted though my body at the tenderness of his masculine touch. My knees grew weak to the touch. It's like I had felt the touch before, it's like I've been engulfed in his embraces and love.

"Then what could make me remember?" My voice trembled as I asked. And I could feel my lower lip shake slightly. I was vulnerable, I realized.

"I don't know. Maybe you should do what feels natural and the memories will come naturally rather then trying to force them."

That did sound logical. Maybe I was forcing myself to remember and therefore locking my memories inside, I could give this technique a chance. What felt natural was for me to slowly close my eyes and to make my mind as readable as it could get.

"Are you sure?" he asked in a hoarse and sexy manner.

I nodded slightly as I concentrated to stop my bottom lip from trembling, but it was no use. I realized it was trembling because of the anticipation and the hunger. The hunger to feel whole for the first time in my life. The hunger to remember. The hunger to have what I might have lost. Or was it a foolish hunger that belonged to Sam and not to me?

I doubted it. The more time I've spend trying to find Sam the more I was convince that I was her. So for the hell of remembering, I decided to put all the past and all of Sam behind me and to try to live in the moment. If I could feel the moment, maybe the past will come back? And maybe Sam will be found, in me.

I felt a liquid brush against my bottom lip and it stopped trembling instantly. I could feel his breathing on my skin, and it felt natural. It felt right. I parted my lips slowly and let him enter, and he did. His tongue swayed inside my mouth and danced hungrily. Naturally. Knowingly. He felt familiar.

But still no visions of the past danced upon me. No tears of something that had been tear worthy long ago. No smiles for a lost memory from childhood. Nothing. I felt empty inside.

Outside, I could hear the rain falling like cats and dogs. It was loud, and pounding, and threatening.

I felt alone. Was that how Sam felt when she was on the sinking boat? But why can't I remember? Why can't I remember her getting on the lifeboat? Why can't I remember me getting on the lifeboat? All I could feel was the desperation. The desperation of the sinking boat. But I can't remember, I could just feel. It was like an instinct. Just like the knowledge of guns and boats. It wasn't a memory.

"You okey?" he asked when he pulled away.

I opened my eyes and saw him stare down at me lovingly. "I don't remember anything."

"You shouldn't push it." He strocked my cheek with his hand and I melted into his touch. "The good news is you're definitely Sam. You feel the same. You kiss the same. You even taste the same."

That was good to know. When I couldn't be sure, I expected him to be sure.

Maybe I needed more. Something more to fill me in order to make me remember. I glanced up at him.

"Are you sure?"

"How do you know what I'm thinking?"

His arms engulfed me and he brought me to his chest where I could feel his heart beating like lightning under his shirt. "I've always been able to read you. I never told you that, but I was always able to figure out what you were thinking before you would tell me. We have a special type of bond."

I glanced up at him and realized he was looking down at me. We were close. Really close. I got on my toes and my lips brushed against him for a moment. After the silent kiss I brought my lips to his earlobe and playfully bit it. "Can you tell what I'm thinking now?"

"Loud and clear."

"Then do what I need to you do," I said, and as I said it I felt his erection spring to life and rub against my stomach. Damn, I was short, I realized. And he was hard. Hard as hell. I was left to wonder what he would feel like inside me. The thought itself made my nipples spring to life and get hard and press against my wet dive gear.

His hand traveled down my back and I felt a chill and looseness of the dive gear. I realized he was unzipping me. So I did the same, I unzipped him.

Next thing I knew, we were both on the cold floor but the heat in both of us was hot enough to cause an inferno. I felt wet inside. And I wanted him. He was making me wait, however. Teasingly, his fingers outlined my clit. I wanted him to enter. I could have started begging for it, but I was speechless as his touch felt so damn familiar in an unfamiliar word. But still on memories. Only instinct.

"You want me?" he asked as the tip of his tongue dampened my left nipple and send an erotic sensation through my body.

"Yes, yes, yes." I arched up my back so I could feet the erotic sensations fill me.

"How bad do you want me?" he asked and did the same to the right nipple.

I put my hands on his hair and pulled it slightly to make him look up at me. "I NEED you."

"I could tell," he said as he dove low and his tongue met my clit and I felt like I get getting an orgasm in advance. Truthfully, I didn't know if I ever had an orgasm before. Since I lost my memory I haven't had sex with anyone. And now I was starving for it.

"Enter me, damn it." I hadn't known I was that desperate until the words had slipped out of my mouth. I arched my back again and this time sat up. He sat up too and stared down at my eyes. My right hand extended and I touched his hard erection. Running my fingers though it, I kept my eyes on his. He closed his eyes and in took a deep shaky breath. I slowed my speed. "Don't you want me?"

"Hell yes." He put his hands on my waste and pushed me down against the floor. After positioning himself on top of me, he slowly started sliding in.

His large penis reached my folds and they opened out to greet him. My walls got scratched as he slowly dipped. And when he was in, I could feel myself engulf him, all of him, and noises were coming out of my mouth.

He started sliding out just as slowly, and I could feel my walls get rubbed like a genie bottle. And then he slid in again, this time fast and hard. My walls got scratched and expanded. I engulfed him again lovingly. And he was deep inside me. I screamed as pleasure shot though me like a bullet.

The process repeated. Every time there was more intensity. Every time there was more lust and love. And every time it felt better and better.

And then it came. It started in my clit like a bunch of butterflies being released inside my body. Their wings fluttered every inch of my body from head to toe. I arched up my back and my vision got blurry as I screamed out sounds of pleasure and grabbed him hard with my hands. Damn, that was some orgasm.

And then I felt him. It felt like a waterfall erupting and flowing inside of me. His sperm traveled into my body and I felt it all.

Our eyes met, he was still inside me and he looked socked.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed out but there was no noise.

And as if someone else had taken over me, I breathlessly arched myself up to his level and wrapped my arms around his neck. My lips and his collided. I realized that he had released inside of me, and I didn't really care. Was that what Sam used to do? Was that what I used to do?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The storm was over and we survived, but I didn't feel like a survivor. I felt damaged. Naked, I stood on the deck of the boat with only a warm, protective blanket wrapped around me. Tears were dwelling in my eyes and it took every piece of strength to restrain them from falling. Alone. I felt so damn alone.

The deck was wet from the rain, but the waters were mysteriously calm. The air smelled fresh and mystical. The stars were bright in the sky and the moon was large and magnificent.

"You okey?"

I heard him ask but I didn't turn around to face him. I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable or so weak. So hurt. So confused. So broken.

I felt his strong arms on my back, slowly traveling to my shoulders and before I knew it I was leaning into his chest and his arms were wrapped around me. Silent protection. Intimate protection. Love. I realized I was falling in love with him again. Or was it just lust?

"Tell me what's wrong," he spoke in a whisper.

"I thought I could remember," I said and felt the restrained tears leak out like rain from silver clouds. "Everything I try. Everything." My voice suddenly weakened and became tearful and sad. "And nothing works, I just can't seam to remember."

His arms tightened around me and I could feel his heart beating evenly like a drum of life and love. "Maybe you shouldn't push it. Don't worry, it will come to you. It usually does to amnesiacs."

I don't know how he managed to calm me down in such an irrational state, but he did it. I don't know if it was his protective touch, or his wise and logical words, or was it his heart beating so silently, yet so noticeably. Either way, he made me feel better. "Thanks."

"For what?"

I felt his even and calming breathing on my hair and it felt like light kisses of the wind. Love was like the wind. It can't be seen, but it could always be felt. Love can be calm and relaxing like the light breeze, or it could be strong and powerful like the winds of passing storms. Love can even be dangerous, but it could also be the only form of survival. And while I felt the soft wind blow, I also felt the strength of his love. "Thanks," I said once again. But this time, I shifted my body around and finally faced him. Staring into his caring eyes, I touched his cheek with my hand and felt the warmth of his skin. The warmth that traveled through my body in a form of chemistry. "For caring, for loving, for protecting. For everything."

I felt his wind like kiss on my forehead. He took all my pain away.

---

The morning sun shined bright and I was still happy from the previous night. The whole morning my mind eighter played out the night of passion we shared, or the intimate moment on the docks. Before that night, I didn't even know that intimacy didn't always have to be sexual, but he changed my mind and taught me that love is intimacy, and not just sex.

I climbed out of the boat which was tied up to a dock in Maine. Jason Morgan took my hand and lead me protectively out of the boat and onto the wooden docks.

"Now remember," he said as he lead to towards the street where two cabs waited for us. "You go to the hospital and ask around. And I'll go to the public library and check out the newspaper archives to see if there was an article about you."

We needed to find out if there was a lifeboat near by when I was found. If it was, then that was proof enough that I was Sam. After finding out about how I was found and all the details, we were planing on going to Port Charles where Sam's DNA was on file at the hospital there, so we could do a test and compare results.

"And come back straight to the boat when you're done," he said as he opened the door to one of the cabs for me.

I sat down and smiled at him. "Good luck."

"You two," he said.

He didn't kiss me before he walked away. He didn't say he loved me. He didn't even shake my hand or do any kind of gesture. He just looked at me. And his eyes said a lot more then any touch or word can say. His eyes spoke of endless love. I was still smiling when the cab drove off.

---

Jason read the last article he could find and still there was no mention of a lifeboat. All the articles said one thing: that a woman was found wounded on a beach and her lungs were full of water. Nothing more then that. None of the articles had pictures attached. He assumed that she was too damaged to not scare people. The readers wouldn't want to see somebody bloody and scratched. But damn it, maybe if he was the pictures of what she looked like, maybe he could look at the shape of eyes and the lips. Obviously, there had to be an explanation why the red haired Sam's eye shape and lip shape was different from the brunette that he had known and lost.

He left the library after finding no success whatsoever. He knew he had to get back on the boat, she was probably waiting for him, and she probably found out more then he did. But he didn't go straight to the boat. He went to the police station. Maybe they had the incident on file. Sometimes cops did have information on stuff like that. Obviously, an examination had to be done to prove that she was out of the water rather then beat up. So maybe the police could have a file which contained a picture.

---

Disappointment spread through Jason as he walked out of the police station and sat into the cab. The police had a file on the incident, but they refused to show him. Since he didn't want to get arrested, he decided to not steal it. After all, this wasn't Port Charles, it wouldn't be so easy for him to get away since his lawyer would have to travel all the way to Maine. And he didn't have the time for a senseless arrest. He wanted to get back to Sam, and not a minute should be wasted.

When the cab pulled up by the docks, he paid the driver and climbed out.

He walked down the docks until he reached his boat and climbed aboard.

"Sam!"

No answer. Maybe she didn't hear him. Maybe she was distracted or busy. He opened the door to his room. She wasn't there. Her room. She wasn't there. The living room. She wasn't there. The kitchen. She wasn't there.

Sudden shock and fear ripped at him as he wandered where she could possibly be. Then he noticed a note on the kitchen counter. He grabbed the note and read it.

'_Sorry. _

_Please don't search for me._

_Sam_.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Jason had spent one month searching for Cirra or Sam or whatever her name was. After some time, he had lost hope but he refused to give up. This has turned into nights, nights into days, but still no sight of the redhaired woman he had met. He wondered as to where she had disappeared, but an instinct of his told him she will come back to him.

At the moment Jason Morgan was sipping his morning coffee when he heard a knock on to the door. As soon as he opened it, he saw her face but it was not the same face he had seen a month ago. This phase was of the woman he had loved, the woman he had lost. Her eyes were back to normal no longer lifted and looking catlike. Her hair was black rather did her usual red. She cried as she looked at him, into his eyes. And he just outreached his arms to grab her. At the moment he knew he loved her.

---

I didn't know why, but I was crying like a little baby. I should have been happy to know who I was but to see his face and the damage I had put him through has sat in me more than I had expected it to.

"It's me," I said. I wrapped in my arms around him and held them as tight as I could, for now I did not want to lose him again. "It's been me all along," I said.

"I know," he said. "But how did you find out?"

"After I ran away." I wiped a tear away from my eyes, "After I ran away," I said again. " I went to the hospital where I was found."

He was cradling me in his hands and the warmth of his body reminded me of his warm caress. I wanted to give in to him, I wanted to get back to what we had before, but this was where the hesitation came in. I was no longer the same woman he has lost.

"Talk to me," he said as he cradled my chin in his strong hand.

My sad eyes glanced at him, the blue intensity of his own eyes. "At the hospital," I stuttered. "At the hospital, they gave me a number to a plastic surgeon's office. That doctor had worked on me before. He remembered me," I cried out, "he remembered me and he showed me pictures of what I looked like. It was terrifying, my face was all distorted and bloody. He told me what I would've looked like if he wouldn't have made the changes, and he told me why he made the changes."

His arms traveled to my lower back holding me securely as I weep in his arms. This was becoming way too hard to say.

But I had to say it. Slowly, I lifted my eyes up to his. Slowly, I parted my lips and they trembled. I stuttered, "Some of the skin on my face had been damaged and the doctor had to improvise, so he must've altered my features to make it work. He's fixed me now. I look the same as I did before I disappeared." But I don't feel the same.

He looked at me as if expecting me to continue, but I had no idea how to say the rest. It was too hard, too damaging. The words refused to leave my mouth. I sincerely wished none of this would have happened, but it had and now I had to deal with the consequences.

I sank onto the couch, and he sat down next to me. "Do you remember?" he asked.

I shook my head. "That is the problem," I said. "Apparently, when I nearly drowned, I hit my head. Now the doctors have told me the truth, I'm brain-damaged. I sought the information after I had a DNA Analysis Comparison Test."

"What kind of test?" He asked.

"DNA Analysis Comparison Test. It's a test that-."

"I know what it is," he interrupted. "How did you get a sample of Sam's DNA?"

"I have a friend who works at General Hospital. He's a lab technician and he provided me with a sample of Sam's DNA. He got the DNA from a blood sample she had given four years ago. I had it compare to my own."

"And it matched, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did, but it doesn't matter because I cannot remember." I broke down, tears spilling from my eyes, secrets unknown, memories unremembered. I had been told I would never remember. Now I glanced up at him and I knew I had done the wrong thing by coming back, but I couldn't stay away. So as I stared into his eyes, I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I could never remember. The memories, the secrets, the love, the passion, everything else I can't remember. How can you love me now?"

He cupped my face and ran a smoothed hand through my hair. His eyes were blue and intense and he looked as if he felt my pain. "You don't have to remember," he said. "You do not have to remember anything that happened. We can make new memories, we could start again, we could start over."

"But what if it's not the same? What if it's never as good as it was the first time around? What if we were never meant to be?"

"I don't waste my time with _what if's_, but right now I know what we have is real. I fell for you the first time around, I fell for you when you had red hair and were going by a different name, and today, tomorrow, a day after that I will still fall for you. So don't doubt my love, because it will always be there and it will always be true."

"I will never remember. You should at least be a little bit saddened by the fact that I will never know how it started?"

"I will tell you how it started, if you want to know. You're lucky," he said

My eye shadow and I pushed myself away from him. "Lucky?"

"Most people can only fall in love once. They only fall once for one person, but we had another chance. We got what is impossible, we got what no one else could."

I glanced at him, not sure where he was going.

"We got another chance at love, we got what no one else could. And we got a second chance to be together, no one could cheat us out of that." He wiped tears off my eyes, that was the first-time I understood what he was saying.

"We don't have the memories," he continued, "But we could always make new ones. We have a second chance at a first love, a first kiss, first fight, and first date. We have so many first that we have a chance to make over again." He took my hand. "Can you take that chance?" He asked.

Tears were falling from my eyes, but they were happy ones this time. He knew how to make me happy, and at the moment he was making me stronger. "I'll take the chance," I said and smiled. I felt my lips tremble as he leaned in and kissed me. His mouth was warm like a blanket in the winter, shielding me from the cold frost of the snow and wind. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned into his touch.

"There something else," I said as I looked into his eyes.

"What is it?" He looked worried and concerned. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, it depends on the way you look at it." I took in a deep breath as I knew I was either going to make his world better or shatter it completely. Which way it was going to go was beyond me. I hoped he would take it as happy news but I wasn't sure. It could have been a burden for him to bear.

"What is it? Sam, you can tell me."

Even if I wanted to run, now I couldn't. That look in his eyes, the way that he cared, spoke to me. I touched my stomach, and while soothing it, I stared at him. I remember the night on the boat, the night of rain, the night of passion. "I'm pregnant," I said. "You can take it as good news, or you can throw me out, but that is what I am, and I like this feeling. I like knowing that I'm not all alone. I have a baby with me, and please either take us both are throw both of us out."

He wrapped his arms around me tighter, drew me in so close I could barely breathe. "I'll never throw you out." He paused. "I'm glad you came back to me. And despite your lack of memories we're already making new ones."

And then I understood, the evanescence of the past did not erase the future.

**The End**

---

Dear Readers,

Thank you all for reading. This is a very short, very predictable, but entertaining story. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Once again, thanks for reading, and please check out some of my other works.

XOXO,

Lija

PS: In a week or so, I will be changing my member name to LijaRain.


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